Divine Encouragement

I'm struggling finding a sentence with which to start this post. My goal is to be regularly blogging posts of encouragement, words to help friends who are in the trenches of ministry, who may happen to find themselves in well-worn shoes similar to mine. But that goal of encouragement is hard to reach on when days when I feel like I need an encouraging word myself.

It's no secret that ministry is hard. Bearing the burdens of others, fervently coming to the Lord on their behalf, praying and hoping (not always patiently) that certain things come to fruition...it can weigh a person down. And I find myself needing constant reminders of why I do what I do. I know I love my job, I know I'm where God's called me to be, I know I don't see myself doing anything else right now. Yet even with all that knowledge, sometimes I need to look in the eye the reason why my life is ministry.

This past week, that reason looked like this:

These notes contain the hearts of my students. They are filled with the things they themselves are struggling with, are discouraged by. They are cries for help, asking someone just to listen to them and come alongside as they walk through every day life. When I see something like this, I feel needed. I feel like what I do matters...and there is huge encouragement in that! Maybe that sounds a little too egocentric, and I'm fully aware that God doesn't need me in this at all...He could accomplish his purposes through anyone in this position any way he wanted. Yet He's chosen me for that job. He handpicked me to be here, and to be here now. 

When I find myself discouraged, sometimes knowing that I'm chosen is the best encouragement of all.

"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." -Philippians 1:3-6

i may be restless, but He won't relent.

"You won't relent until You have it all"...the Jesus Culture lyrics that just won't leave my head.

"I am restless, looking for You"...the Switchfoot lyrics that are stuck in my heart.

I think it might be that "restless" time of year, at least it is in my life. It's that time when summer travels are over, camp "spiritual highs" have faded, and all I see ahead is BUSYNESS. And I love busyness. I thrive on busyness. Yet amidst the crazy, I'm willing to admit that in the busyness, I often lose sight of the important. I tend to bury myself in the busy, putting aside my needs in an attempt to be everything to everyone. I want to show up at every volleyball game, every swim meet, every fine arts showcase, every football game. It's so easy to forget about ME. And there's a way to think of myself without being selfish. There is a physical part of me that needs to be taken care of with regular work-outs and healthy eating. There is an emotional and mental side of me that thrives on time spent in conversation with friends. And there is a spiritual hunger in my life than needs to be fed with time spend in the Word and in prayer.

And when these physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual quotas aren't being filled, restlessness moves in, unpacks his suitcase, and throws his feet up on the coffee table. I find myself entertaining other job offers. I find my mouse clicking over to see if Allegiant has any great deals on a quick trip home. I find sleepless nights with my brain running a thousand miles a minute.

But what I love is the second part of that Switchfoot lyric: "I am restless...looking for You." That's what it always comes down to. What I'm looking for is not going to be filled in busying my time even more by adding Young Life and FCA to the mix. Restlessness won't go away by planning College Ministry events to fill up my time when the Student Ministry calendar is free. And I definitely won't find fulfillment in looking up one more plane ticket I can't afford. It's Jesus...that's who I'm restless for. Time spent with Him - knowing Him - is from where the restlessness stems.

All summer I drilled that into the heads of my students...you need to desire to know GOD more than you desire to know GOD's WILL. And that's easier than it sounds, which is why I am SO grateful for the message of that second song. God won't relent until He has it all. He won't stop pursuing until He has ALL of me. Literally there is no stop He won't pull for me...because of His love...for me. Wow. Wrap your head around that one! 

"Come, be the fire inside of me. Come be the flame upon my heart. Come be the fire inside of me until you and I are one." Relentless, not restless...that's what I'm going for today.

Where to Begin?

This blog has been in my heart for longer than I can remember or care to admit. A blog that would be a place for me to share my heart, to bring laughter, to bring tears, to bring light. But where does one begin when writing that "very first blog post"? My days of Xanga and other short-lived personal blogs are behind me.

In February I sat across a table from Josh Griffin, and we talked blogging. His advice? Find your passion, and then WRITE! Figure out who you want to talk to, and what you want to say. And if you don't know what to stay, still sit down and write! It will come.

My passion is youth ministry. But not just youth ministry...it's equipping others to do youth ministry. And as a young, single, female who struggles every day in a field that is largely dominated by men wearing plaid shirts, hot wives at their sides, I want to support others in the same boat as myself. Where my single ladies at?!?

It's hard coming home on a Wednesday night to your one-bedroom apartment with no one but Jesus and your teddy bear to recap how your youth service went. It's hard when no one tells you to stop and you keep going and going until you break. It's hard when you return home from a mission trip and all your students are greeted by waiting friends and family, and you wish your family didn't live 1200 miles away. It's hard when classmates are getting married and having babies, and "your kids'' are all 13-18 year olds who really belong to someone else. It's hard when that family at church just won't give you any credibility because you're a female, you're too young, you haven't raised kids...or all three. It's hard when you have all these hopes and dreams for your life, what you'd like to do and where you'd like to live, but you realize youth ministry never gets your closer to achieving a single one. And it's hard when that student loan bill comes, and you get practice your most fervent prayer of the month, because working in the church world just doesn't financially cut it.

It's hard but...it's beautiful. It's beautiful when after a night a night of chaos, you can come home to peace. It's beautiful when God gives you so much strength and energy that you know it can only come from Him. It's beautiful when even though you're 1200 miles away from where you grew up, you still feel at home. It's beautiful when you realize that though you didn't birth them, they ARE your kids...and you don't have to do the parental tough stuff. It's beautiful when you get to grow with your students, and they have a prime example of what it's like to be real. It's beautiful when you realize God's plans are bigger that yours, and He has you right where you need to be. And it's beautiful how God provides by ways of cleaning jobs, babysitting gigs, and unexpected checks from grandparents.

It's hard, it's beautiful, it's the life of a single young woman. It's the life of "that youth pastor girl." It's the life of...me. And so many others! Join me on the journey :)