Seven: Month Two

Today is the last day of month 2, so intro and recap...here we go.  

Month 2 = CLOTHES. If you want to know about something I have an over abundance of, this is it. I could probably open my own boutique...and not have to restock for a year. Little Sarah Barker could tell you all about it; she's the one who unpacked it all for me in my last move. Beth can testify, too; she's a regular shopper at Closet de Sarah.

(And apparently it runs in the family...yesterday on the way to Disney with Beth's parents:
Beth's mom: Sarah, is it ok if I borrow one of your belts?
Me: Yeah, absolutely.
Mom: Good, because I already did! *giggles*)

To give you an accurate picture, in my closet/wardrobe/dresser I counted:

- 37 pairs of pants

- 38 athletic shorts/leggings/sweatpants

- 10 "other" shorts

- 115 shirts

- 137 T-shirts/tanks

- 19 sweatshirts

- 51 dresses/skirts

- 7 coats

- 4 bathing suits 

This is a grand total of 418 ITEMS! And it doesn't include undergarments, socks, the stuff I got rid of while counting, anything in my van/office, stuff Beth is borrowing, and clothes friends and students randomly leave my house with. THIS IS INSANE. 418 probably doesn't even come close to the actual number.

Let's say I spent $10 on each item...we're at $4,180 worth of clothes. But is that even realistic? Jeans run about $40 (low end), I included some bridesmaid dresses at $150 a pop, and I've never see a winter jacket or Nike running shorts for $10. Granted, many of the tshirts were free from events and other clothes were hand-me-downs from friends, but still...even $20 a piece still seems like a low estimate, but at that my closet is worth $8,360. That makes me sick.

I'm an emotional spender and impulse buyer. Target always has what I "need" and Kohls calls out to me in all her coupon-y glory. It's a danger zone, people. Let's not talk about the beauty of technology storing all my debit information so I need not even get up and find my wallet to make online purchases. It's bad, so clearly this month was perfect for me.

30 days, 7 pieces of clothing. Easy enough. But what seven?? After much debate (I think I was on day eight before I decided what my seventh item would be) I went with...
- 1 pair of jeans, skinny, dark wash (Target, my every day, dress-them-up-if-I-want-to jeans)
- 1 pair of denim shorts (Wal-Mart...holla!)
- 116 T-shirt (a necessity with two rap concerts this month)
- Likewise T-shirt (if you're gonna wear something for 30 days straight, make it mean something. Luke 10:37 kind of sums up the heart of Seven. Get one and support my friend at www.molleev.com)
- Orange/Coral/bright button down sweater (GH Bass, because sometimes I leave the beach to go to concerts and don't have any clothes with me and the outlet mall is conveniently on the way)
- Nike IWU quarter zip (purchased the first day of this month, so I couldn't wait 30 days to wear it)
- Button-down plaid shirt, olive and white (purchased on day eight, because I needed something "dressy." If plaid is as dressy as you get, clearly your life is not terribly glamorous)

Once again, we decided not to be too legalistic about anything. We were allowed unlimited socks, underwear, bathing suits, pajamas, shoes, and jackets for our northern trips.

Pretty much...I loved it. Aside from doing laundry...a lot...the lack of choice made mornings so easy. Packing was a breeze. Folding laundry took less than a minute. My bedroom stayed clean (kind of) without clothes strewn about. It was kind of like being at camp and wearing a staff shirt every day. Honestly, the month felt more like a treat than a sacrifice (when else can you wear your favorite T-shirt every day and not be judged for it?).

But by last week, I was getting a little bored. I'm not sure if that's good, bad, or indifferent, but even in my love of the simplicity, I was missing being able to wear a dress to the beach or piece together a cute outfit for a night out. I blame you, Winter Weather and Pinterest, holding hands as you flirt over long sweaters and layers and puffy vests and boot socks...things I don't even own.

My clothes are definitely showing some wear. Apparently silly string doesn't wash out of Tshirt graphics very well, so my 116 shirt is looking a little rough (but birthday party indoor silly string fight? Totally worth it).

What amazes me is that even though I was completely content with seven things, I still feel the need to have a full closet...and more! Even though I clearly don't need them, I made at least two Black Friday online clothing purchases. So silly. Blame it on being Dutch?

Sigh. I'm still learning. I am spoiled and privileged and have a long way to go. This month was good, but I'm excited for what comes next: possessions. Each day we give away seven items. Yes, that's 210 over the course of 30 days. The fact that we are packing up and moving across town next week, and then I'm moving cross country in three months help with downsizing, but it's still going to hurt. And that's good. I'm excited. There's freedom in not being tied down to stuff. But we'll save those thoughts till next time :)

a big announcement

Yesterday marked a huge day in my life and the life of my church family as a big announcement was made. I'll be blogging much more about it in the days and weeks to come trying to fill in some of the gaps, but here is the initial announcement that was made yesterday:

Dear Legacy Family,

First of all, I would like to say thank you so much for the wonderful fifth anniversary surprise last month. I appreciate all the cards, gifts, and kind words. I am overwhelmed by the love of my church family. You have been the biggest blessing in my life for the last eight years and there is no other place I would have chosen to work for the last five. Thank you for taking a risk on a college student, allowing me to make mistakes and grow and learn along the way. Thanks for entrusting me with your students, from the times we've spent in the youth house to the countless miles we've road tripped. It has truly been a journey.

The thing about journeys is that the road often twists and turns when you least expect it. Two years ago such a twist happened when I was offered a position at a campground in Michigan. The job there had been my dream as a teenager, and I desperately wanted to accept it. Legacy was in the midst of huge transition, and with all of the previous staff now gone, I was ready to join them. Yet the one word I heard over and over from God was, "stay." So I did. I turned down the job and struggled through the transition, confident that I was where the Lord wanted me. And I am so thankful - the last two years have been more than I ever could have asked or imagined. God not only brought incredible new staff members to Legacy, but he also brought wonderful friends - family - into my life and the most amazing team of youth leaders to our ministry. 

My life and my heart are full, and it's in this time of plenty that God has again been nudging me in a difficult direction. This fall, the position at the campground in Michigan was again open and offered to me. After a long period of praying, wrestling, and pleading with God, I know that his word this time is not stay, but "go." Though my selfish desire is to serve here at Legacy forever, God is calling me elsewhere and I have to follow. Today I am announcing that I have officially accepted the position as the Youth Ministries Director at the Conference Grounds in Grand Haven, MI and will begin my work there the first week of March 2015.

Please know that there is nothing here at Legacy causing me to go. Many youth pastors leave because of dissension with other staff or parents or problems in ministry, or to move "higher up the ladder" and I assure you that is not the case. But as we go through The Story and continue to hear about all the people who simply went, even though they did not know where they were going or what God was up to, I am confident that I need to learn from their examples of faith and do the same in my own life. I have nothing but the the best to say about the leadership and my family at Legacy.

I'm so thankful that I still have a couple months with you before I go, and I am confident in the plan Steve, the elders, and my youth team are putting into place as we embark into another time of transition. I know many of you will have questions and concerns, and I welcome you to come to me with them in the weeks ahead. I am grateful for your support and so excited for the future God has in store for Legacy Christian Church.

Love you all so much,
Sarah Ledeboer

Seven: Month One Recap

The first month of SEVEN is officially over! Woo-hoo! In case you missed what it’s all about, Seven is an experiment against the mutiny of excess, an attempt to simplify life in order to amplify God. Each month my dear friend Beth and I are cutting out an area of life where we tend to get caught up in the excess. You can read here for more on how it all started, and what the first month consisted of.

Technically month one ended last week, so we’re a little overdue for a recap. Here are a couple thoughts.

It was HARD. Eating a diet of eggs, chicken, black beans, spinach, brown rice, grapes, and wheat tortillas, with no sauce or seasonings or spices, is not easy. Or fun. I’m just gonna throw my apology out here to anyone who had to deal with my extreme levels of hangry...so sorry!! Plain and simple, there was just nothing fun about this part of the experiment.

Did I mention my EXTREME caffeine addiction being cut off cold turkey day one? Permanent headache to start the month, so that’s awesome. Dear Diet Coke, how I missed you.

I felt like I was at the grocery story every other day preparing for the next. Meetings, meals out, and parties were the worst. I went to a worship conference, a  birthday party, and a staff retreat in this month...it was SUPER fun going to Panera and ordering a BOWL of chicken, then shoveling it onto the tortilla I pulled out my PURSE. Not annoying at all. 

Tortillas actually became the main method of getting food from my plate to my mouth. I didn’t use much silverware this month as just about every food was wrapped in a tortilla. Breakfast? Chicken and egg breakfast burrito. Lunch? Chicken, beans, and rice wrapped up in a tortilla (and easier to get down if pressed on the George Foreman). Dinner? Most likely the same as lunch, but maybe minus an ingredient. And GRAPES. Thank the Lord Above for grapes. I ate about ten pounds of them this month (yes, I counted, because I'm a nerd). When nothing sounded good...grapes. Oh, and then there was the time I made nachos...baked tortilla chips in the oven and piled on the beans, rice, spinach, and chicken. NOT THE SAME WITHOUT CHEESE, PEOPLE.

But speaking of life without cheese...I felt GOOD. Sure I was crabby a bit, and often lacking energy (because I didn’t always eat enough), but overall I could just feel the better health of my body. I was eating for sustenance, and nothing else. All of that clean eating made for some...interesting body functions...but it was clear that the fuel I was giving myself was different, better, and my body used every bit of it. And I lost ten pounds. Beth, Samuel, and I ran a 5k towards the end of the month...there was something empowering about finishing in a great time (for me, at least) when I wasn’t sure if I had fed my body enough energy to run.

I think my biggest takeaway from this month was a greater appreciation for food...the flavors and the people who make it. Especially good food. I had forgotten how much I actually love to be in the kitchen! Seven forced me to plan my meals ahead and spend time preparing them. There is love that goes into food! My favorite meal was one night towards the end of Seven. I was so over this whole thing, a semi-emotional wreck, and I decided I just wasn’t going to eat, but then my dear brother David made me THE MOST AMAZING OMELET. Sure, it was seven-approved with just eggs, chicken, and beans, but there was something so delicious in someone else preparing for me just what I needed when I needed it, especially when I didn’t have the will to do it myself (and when he had been the biggest pain in my butt for the duration of the month).

I learned that avoiding excess doesn’t mean I have to be a minimalist. There is a middle ground between too much and not enough! Eating seven foods with no extra flavor is neither desirable nor appropriate for my lifestyle and in the place I live. But that doesn’t mean when I go out for a burrito I need to get the cheese AND the sour cream AND the guac! A month of eating the minimum taught me to appreciate whatever that next step is just above minimum, the one a few levels before ridiculous excess. A happy medium.

So now the month is over. I eat dairy and drink caffeine again. But seriously, I don’t get the sour cream and cheese! The pico, corn, guac, lettuce (aka fresh, healthy stuff) is enough for me! I’m fine with steamed veggies over french fries. I get the tall chai tea latte instead of the venti. One Diet Coke at lunch instead of four refills. And I find myself not missing the extras at all.

This is just month one. Six more follow. Six more areas where Beth and I are reducing and rethinking and revamping life. It’s so good. We’re a week and a half into our Clothing month now...and I love it. More to come on that later :)

seven.

Never in my life did I think I would make a dinner of homemade whole-wheat tortilla chips, spinach, ground chicken, brown rice, and black beans...and then rave online about how DELICIOUS it was.

But that's what's going on right now, day 5 of Seven. Not day 5 of 7 days, but rather the fifth day of "Seven," an experimental mutiny against excess. Huh?

Enter Beth, my friend turned roommate turned got-married-moved-away-had-a-baby-but-now-her-husband's-deployed-and-she's-back once again roommate. For all of our differences, the greatest thing Beth and I have in common is our desire to live as Christ called us, to be radical followers who never hesitate to do what He asks. Unfortunately, in this materialistic consumer-driven world, it is so easy to be muddled down by "stuff." So many things get in the way of the lifestyle we are meant to live.

In the two years Beth wasn't in Florida, we both happened to read the book Seven by Jen Hatmaker. If you haven't read it, pause and go buy it on Amazon right now. Basically Jen chronicles her journey through the experiment of Seven, where each month she gives up/fasts/focuses on a certain item, things that moved her closer to her agenda and farther from God. She asked "What in my life, in the lives of most westerners, is just too stinking much?" The seven categories she came up with were food, clothes, possessions, media, waste, spending, and stress.

Beth and I decided to try it. We started last week on October 7th with food. For the next 30 days, we only get to eat seven foods...period. All month. It makes grocery shopping really easy. My list consists of:
- Whole-wheat tortillas
- Eggs
- Black beans
- Spinach
- Grapes
- Brown rice
- Chicken

No sauce, no seasonings. No Diet Coke to wash it down or ice cream to polish it off.

(Side note: Beth just texted me...from her bed...this message: "I want twenty chocolate chip cookies." It's not easy, people.)

So why? Why deliberately limit ourselves to a narrow, bland diet? And why will we only be wearing seven articles of clothing next month and cleaning out our closets the next?

Two things.
Simplify life.
Amplify God.

We want to create space for God's kingdom to break through. But where is that space when we are surrounded by comfort foods and closets bursting with stuff or scheduled to the max? Seven is an intentional reduction of...everything. Except God. He gets magnified big time here.

We have a disgusting amount of possessions. We let those things dictate who we are and how we spend our time so much that it takes away from our relationships with Christ. By intentionally stripping away the things of the world we make it about Christ in us. He is all we need.

It's not about being extreme. I don't think you're bad if you don't want to join us. I don't really care if you think we're crazy. It's just something I feel called to...and Beth feels called to...so we're doing it. It's an intentional step in simplification so God can be amplified.

A lot of you have been asking what we're doing so that's why I'm throwing it out on this platform. Again, I highly recommend the book, even if you have no desire to do the experiment. Jen's words and heart ring true for all. Also, specifically for this month, please know that though our diet is restricted, we are not! We're still having people over, still accepting invitations to your house or out to eat. It just looks a little different, or we might bring our own food...but we definitely are not using this an excuse to not hang with you :)

So that's it. Pray for us. Read the book. Journey with us if you want. But mostly just pray...because sometimes your small group leaders bring in treats like this...ON DAY ONE...

...sigh.

Prettier When the Sun Goes Down

I’m pretty sure these days my trust in the Lord is the biggest it’s ever been. My faith is deeper than it was three months ago. My awareness of God, my reliance on Him, my realization of my need for Him...it’s becoming increasingly evident every day. More on that in a bit...

I lived a gypsy life this summer. I was a nomad, always on the road. For two and a half months, I never spent more than five nights in a row in the same bed. There was a road trip to Nashville, a wedding in Colorado, a surprise trek to Utah, camping in Georgia, church camp in Florida, a few more weeks in Tennessee, vacation in Michigan, an unexpected trip to Wisconsin, and then back to Michigan again...with a couple days in Illinois and Indiana.

To most people, that’s a headache. It’s busy and hectic and middle schoolers are involved, so AUGH. But for me...it’s my lifeblood. I love the crazy. I thrive in the chaos. Never once did I feel like I was “away from home.” The places I went, the people I was with...I had home with me the whole time. It was magical.

But summer always comes for an end (my entire life has been a struggle to accept this concept). The schedule changes. There is still crazy and there is still chaos, but it’s a different pace. Now at 1am, my head hits the same pillow. I actually sleep under the covers now, instead of a sleeping bag on top of my bed. My laundry gets put away in drawers instead of tucked right back in my suitcase.* I actually see my roommate!

So that’s good, right? Things should be getting easy, life is good, enjoy the slow down and relax? Ha! Enter God with His “bet you didn’t see this one coming” card. These last six weeks have been challenging, to say the least. There are students struggling with parents and parents struggling with how to deal. I have friends struggling in their marriages and friendships and workplaces. There are high school girls...enough said!

And I’m struggling! God is throwing at me all sorts of questions of identity and calling and purpose and things I didn’t see coming. He’s stretching me and testing me and like I said at the beginning, showing me how I need to be totally dependent on Him. His plan. His ways. We talked in Sunday School this weekend about Jacob wrestling with God, and that’s how life feels a lot lately. Late nights not sleeping and long days at the beach spent in solitude and prayer. Nights and days wrestling with God. It’s hard, it’s messy, it’s real life. 

And it’s GOOD. I’m okay with this right now! I see how I’m learning, growing, trusting more. The struggle is real, but it’s how we grow. After Jacob wrestled with God, he didn’t walk away the same. He had a new name. He had a jacked up hip. An encounter with God always leaves us changed. 

Last night God wrote a message in the sky. It was one of those evenings when a drive to the beach to catch the sunset just needed to happen. It rained the entire drive there, but I believe God has a special love in his heart for AMI, and the clouds parted in time for the most perfect neon sunset.

Big clouds always make the best sunsets...they reflect the colors in ways a clear sky simply can’t. Here's picture 14 of about 256.

And it just kept getting better. The orange ball of the sun dropped completely, but as minutes went by the sky kept growing brighter and bigger and more beautiful. I call it the after set, so let’s pretend that’s a real word. Katie (because what’s a beach trip without her?) looked out and said, “I feel like it’s always prettier when the sun goes down.”

Brilliance. Prettier when the sun goes down. It’s funny, because the sun always gets the credit in a sunset. But what about the afterset? Once the sun’s down, onlookers leave. But those who stay? What happens is always breathtaking. The afterset clouds are where the true beauty is reflected. 

My life feels a bit cloudy lately. But they are the best clouds I’ve ever seen. Reflected in the storm are not only blessings of family and friends and a little one-year-old roommate who is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my life, but blessings of peace that come with living in the will of God. Blessings of conversations that nourish my soul and the deepest, most intimate times with God as I wrestle.

And also I’m reminded that the best is yet to come. At camp we have “warm fuzzies,” little notes of encouragement the staff write to one another. Last week I read through my box of fuzzies from 2007 (I'm a hoarder), crying and laughing and thinking about if I only I knew then what the next seven years would hold. That’s a crazy thought. 2007 Sarah never saw 2014 Sarah coming. So much I never expected or imagined. 2007 was a great year, but I never thought that seven years later life would be even more full and good. So then there’s this: what happens in another seven years? 

The sunset is beautiful, but what beauty does the afterset hold? 

*Ok let’s be honest...the clean laundry sits in a basket until I wear it again. Maybe, just maybe, it gets folded...but then it sits in that nice pile on my floor until I wear it again. The day the clothes actually make it back into the closet? Usually right about when I have a huge research paper to write...like right about now.

27 things: use your words.

I just submitted my final paper for my final class this semester, so basically best. night. ever.

Also, I can now write without someone giving me a topic, deadline, or word limit, so again...basically the best night ever.

Yesterday I turned 27. I felt celebrated and loved and everything about my normal day seemed to just have a special spin on it. Or maybe it was the fact that my co-workers decorated my office to look like a circus tent that made me feel like I was spinning. Either way...a lot of people thought I was crazy for going into work on my birthday. Like, since it's my birthday, I should have a day off. And we all know it would be spent at the beach. And I got about as much work done as if I had been at the beach, because all day long people were bringing me lasagna and cookies and balloons and diet coke and my phone was ringing and Facebook dinging and AHH! The kind of chaos I love. (Sidenote: I split a hole in the thigh of my jeans today...I don't think it was a coincidence).

So with all the busyness, instead of using the day to prepare a deeply theological exegesis of an imperative scriptural truth for my Wednesday night youth group teaching, I decided last night I would share with my students 27 things I've learned (27th bday, 27 things, get it?). Turning another year older really had me contemplating on life...I guess the wisdom of age got to me.

What wasn't wise was thinking I could preach a 27 point sermon in ten minutes.

There were a lot of life lessons I wanted them to know, like...
-use your manners
-drink lots of water
-smile a lot
-save your money
-selfies are dumb
-never stop playing dress up
...but I realized I could probably go a little deeper than that. So I came up with my list of 27 truths I wanted to speak into their lives. 

I thought it would make a great blog post. Then I got to writing, and I realized it was actually 27 great blogposts. So I'm not going to commit to blogging every day for the the 27 days, but I can pretty much promise that my next 27 posts will be comprised of the aforementioned list, and they'll be pretty short and to the point.

So, in no particular order...

#1: Use your words.

We all know I'm obsessed with a what makes a good story. I love story lines and conflict resolution and character development. I love when a story captivates me. Words are what we use to tell good stories in books...and in life. I love that people brought me cookies and cake all day, but my favorite gifts were Katie and Sarah's words on Facebook, Heather's text, a message from my sister, and a box of letters from my friends and students that my thoughtful roommate put together. These words recalling memories and stories of things past - those things that usually make me cry - these are the presents that mean the most to me. 

Now that I think about it, all year God has been blessing me with words. In August, a new, more mature friend in ministry felt compelled to come over to me during prayer time at a conference and speak what God was telling her - words of affirmation I needed in life, a message of hope and trusting God's plan for the future. A month later, I got a Facebook message from my 5th grade best friend, along the lines of..."I just wanted to say I think it's awesome how you put your everything into your kids...I know I've never seen you with your kids, but something tells me your making huge differences." It's crazy - we haven't seen or talked to each other in almost ten years! But she felt prompted to use her words to encourage me. Then again this winter, cousin Jenny, out of nowhere, gave into those "gentle whispers" she was feeling from the Spirit, and from Montana sent me a care package and encouraging card. Words...encouragement...amazing!

The point is this: your words hold incredible power. You can use them to tear people down...or you can use them as an unstoppable tool to build people up. So do that. Write warm fuzzies, send an encouraging message. Use your words.




PS...words weren't the only gift I was thankful for!! If you were one of the people who gave me gift cards or food or birthday blessings or just celebrated with me, thank you from the bottom of my heart!! Your gifts were all so thoughtful. I felt loved in so many ways yesterday :)

PSS...shoutout to my #reallybuddy Jo Mill with Little Sarah, KT, and Jordan...they used their words to write and perform a rap for me, so basically my life couldn't get much better...unless there was a dance to accompany it. But we'll talk about dancing in #6 :)

Happy Hearts and Big Adventures

I'M SO FULL RIGHT NOW.

Not my stomach (the last meal I ate was in Ohio ten hours ago), but my heart. The conference I just attended was designed for youth workers, to deepen their knowledge and widen their abilities and grow  in faith and be refreshed in mind, body, and soul. I learned a lot - the knowledge and abilities and faith part. But that heart part...ahh.

That's what full right now, my heart. Even though...

I arrived back in Florida to my trusty Roxanne the Mini Van (which pretty much contains the contents of my life) breaking down two miles out of the airport.

The tow truck driver's truck broke down (ironic) and we waited over two hours for a tow.

I get home to a messy house that I had zero time to clean before I left, so now in addition to the previous mess there is luggage strewn all about.

My smoke alarm beeps every thirty seconds. Beep...beep. I took it off the wall. STILL beeping. I took out the battery. STILL BLEEPING BEEPING. What?!

I have one student job shadowing me tomorrow and two more students expecting me to take them to the beach (fun job shadow day, right?)...which is gonna be SO awesome considering my van is in a lot in ORLANDO!

Did I mention I haven't eaten in ten hours?

But as I type there are two bracelets on my wrist. One says "joy" and the other "love does." And those things are why my heart is happy tonight.

My heart is full because I had to friends willing to drive out (after they both took NyQuill - remind me to check that next time) and hour to come pick up three stranded women. Love does.

My heart is full because being stranded meant two more hours with some of my favorite ladies and another hour with my favorite guys. Joy.

My heart is full because my messy house is a sign of LIFE! Someone real lives here. Someone that is full of adventure and travels and lets laundry pile up for too long because there's not enough time to do that when there's a hammock and Donald Miller or Shauna Niequist calling your name! Or a high school softball game. Joy.

I'm still trying to find the joy in the beeping smoke detector. My love does not cover that. That's just annoying.

My heart is full because...let's be real here. Take a look again at my job description for tomorrow: "two students expecting me to take them to the beach." Who gets to do that for a job? Especially after six cold days in the north...joy, unspeakable JOY.

My heart is full because even though I'm hungry, I'm remembering back to that last meal in Columbus. Columbus, Columbus...where love does and joy wins. I ate with Jordyn, my #reallybuddy*, before we boarded a flight where we talked and dreamed and got crazy off Sprite. And it was the last meal of many we shared that weekend, meals that fed my soul as much as they fed my body. Jordyn makes me want to live bigger adventures. She volunteers me for rap-offs (bad idea) and thinks an ice cream run on a freezing night is a great idea (it is). We stayed up till 2:30 this morning giggling. She gets why it's important to be real and authentic, and she is both of those things, and I love her.

I'm full because I was fed this weekend. I was affirmed. I was encouraged. When I'm called by name from the speaker on the main stage, and she speaks of the transformation she sees in my life, and how I inspire her, and tells the crowd, "Sarah, you're my hero," that's encouragement. That's affirmation. It's undeserved. SHE is a rock star. SHE is my hero. Brooklyn has the same realness and authenticity that Jordyn has, and I hope I have. Love does.

This weekend was about people. Not just Jordyn and Brooklyn, but everyone I met. In the youth ministry world, we're all a team. We're family. So whether I'm hanging with Jordan Howerton who's about to go lead worship, or Cameron who leads kids in Canada, or Brandon who has a sweet job in my dream city, I know they get me. We're in this together. In sessions, hallways, restaurants, airplanes, and hotels, I met the most incredible people this weekend. Our conversations and interactions shaped me. I'll be forever grateful for that. I don't want them to end!

Pure hearts. Authentic lives. True desire for transformation. Laughter. Story. 

That's what I saw this weekend. That's what I experienced. And now that I'm back in Lakeland, that's what I want more of. It's what I'm striving for in my life, and maybe you want to join me. Let's keep being real. Let's keep listening to people's stories. Let's make sure we get enough time with our #reallybuddies and call out words of affirmation and encouragement upon them. Let's care about what is important and let go of what's not. Let's keep the conversation going. And let's remember that we get all of it because God is SO GOOD. It blows my freaking mind. God's just...he's got it going on.

Let's let love do its thing and be joyful as we watch it unfold. This vapor of life...breathe it in. Let's be full.



*reallybuddy: a shortened way of saying "good buddies for a really long time," coined by the Skit Guys this weekend. It's okay if you don't get it...Jo Mil knows what I'm talking about.

It's Where I Learned to Love Jesus

This was supposed to be a post about story. A post about how we are all living a story, and it has characters and setting and plot twists. And how some of us settle for a lesser story when our story could be filled with adventure and spontaneity and whimsy. So the plan for tonight was to write about how to live that bigger story, the one where we do cartwheels on the beach and go on road trips and meet fascinating people at quaint little diners.

Enter the plot twist.

7:30 PM, the phone call. The "did you hear what happened today?" "oh no who died..." phone call. But it wasn't the death of a close family member or friend, it was this:

Shock. Disbelief. Awe. Last week, a fire took out a bathhouse that was a memory machine. I colored my hair purple in there. I sang Britney Spears in the shower. I did free laundry there. My favorite 4th-of-July clown costume is in a box somewhere in that room. I rinsed with Suave Green Apple conditioner after way too many 7am polar bear dips in the big lake.

And now this. Where to start? My mind went to the lip sync. Multiple lip syncs. How many hours did I put in that building, in ridiculous late night heat, rehearsing and decorating? Middle schoolers and high schoolers and fellow college students, dancing and emceeing and singing?

How many church services did I attend, at 10am and 6pm, sitting in the second section, second row, fourth seat in? I counted kids during the children's message (110) and sang on the praise team (I Stand in Awe of You) and wondered if they would ever get rid of that ugly brown panelling. I ran out the screen door (use the right one, the left one sticks if you push instead of pull) to get the first glass of pink lemonade.

I secretly never returned a key after it was issued to me in 2005. It's still on my keychain, sitting on my table right now. Which is silly, because everyone knows the door unlocks with a woodchip.

And how many hundreds of kids did I teach about Jesus? Bible School, wow. Puppets and skits and setting up crafts every day. Let's not talk about how long it took to organize that ridiculous craft corner on the other side of the garage door from the infamous and mysterious Glory Hole (the curtained-off section of the building where "things die and go to glory"...aka stuff we don't need but can't get rid of)!

The garage door. STOP BANGING ON THE DOOR!

That's just high school and college. It hits me. Not only did I work here, teach here, and light up the stage with my mad lip sync skills...this is where I was taught. This is where I learned about Jesus. This is where I sat on the stairs as Jerry Vreeman sang to us "Samuel, Samuel, God is calling on you...Samuel!" Fuzzy Floyd taught us that "they who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength, they will mount up on wings like eagles. They will run and not be weary, they will walk and not grow faint," and told us to meet him at the Big Rock after the service to take a picture (and it was SO big back then!). 

This building is where Jenni and Teresa and Angela and Julie (in polyester robes) marched around the walls of Jericho and they came tumbling down. It's where Miss Henny and Mrs. L (aka Mom) talked with Fuzzy and Granny and Jake and the gang. It's where I learned I don't want to be a Pharisee (they're not fair you see) and if I had wax for my board, it would keep me surfing for Lord. Sauce for my taco would let me witness in Morocco. It's where I was interviewed daily by Josh on the markerphone.

It's where I learned to love Jesus.

And this is all just me. For others, it's the place where they attend Saturday night concerts or play the piano or store their trailers in the winter. It's where they circle up to pray before Sunday service or drop their kids off during Bible study or vacuum. It's ridiculous black plugs all over the floor because seriously, how do you just leave them in the back of the chairs and NOT pull them out and play with them?!

But today it was gone. In the midst of the most intense Michigan winter, the roof couldn't take it anymore and collapsed under the weight of the snow, taking with it the 40 camping trailers stored inside (summer homes to my friends and family), piano, sound equipment, Bible School supplies...and the contents of the glory hole :)

It was a physical loss...and also a sentimental one. I guess I always thought one day my daughter would sit on those same steps and hear a children's sermon from Grandpa Randy, and my son would be the one banging loudest on the garage door just waiting for 9:45 to get his little hole-punched cardstock-and-yarn nametag. 

It seems to odd to be sentimental and torn up about a BUILDING. It's bricks and paint and wood. But it's not odd to be sentimental about the memories made inside it. It was a piece of my childhood, my youth, my young adulthood. Shoot, I was even still speaking on that stage this summer! (I'll just pass the mic to Mike...oh geez.) And it's gone. But in my processing tonight, I've realized this:

Buildings don't make memories or write stories. They're just the places memories are made and stories happen. PEOPLE make memories, and GOD tells the stories.

And so we're back to what we all love about the Conference Grounds. Did we lose a building last week to a fire? Yes. Did another building collapse today? Yes. But does that same God who wrote so many stories in my life at that place still want to write more stories for others to come? YES!

And he doesn't need a building to do it. 

I hate to be all cliche and say "I know we can't see it now, but it's part of God's plan and something good will come out of it" but...

I KNOW WE CAN'T SEE IT NOW, BUT IT'S PART OF GOD'S PLAN AND SOMETHING GOOD WILL COME OUT OF IT!!!!

I honestly believe it. That's why I wrote it in caps lock. 

Wow, it's a confusing time. Do I want to hop the next flight to GR or pack up Roxanne the black and tan Mini Van and head north tonight? Duh. But in all honesty, what good would it do? Let me cry over the building in person instead of over Facebook photos? Productive.

I think instead what I need to do is be thankful. I'm thankful that 18 years ago my parents decided we were going to live in a camping trailer. I'm thankful that other kids were jealous of me growing up because my summer home was AWESOME (what up Lisa B...LaFumfe here). I'm thankful that I grew up with SO many college students to look up to and more sets of grandparents than I can even name anymore. I'm thankful that I can grow up and leave and come back without feeling like I've ever left at all.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this: the buildings and everything in them are a tremendous loss. My heart is so sad for the people who lost their summer homes and belongings. The loss hits them on even another level. But God is still writing the story of the Conference Grounds. This was a hard chapter to get through, and it's not over yet...but maybe it's just our inciting incident. Maybe this is the turning point, the part of the story that we all point back to as "when everything changed." Maybe this is happening so we can see God at work in even bigger ways in 2014. 

Maybe this is God reminding us that we don't need buildings, we don't need stuff...we just need Him.

The ministry of the Grounds will go on, buildings or not. This is home. We are family. If you're reading this and think I'm ridiculous and you just wasted your time and have no idea what I've been talking about, you've probably never worked at the Grounds. But those of us who know it best know that at the heart of it God's given us an incredible cast of characters in the story set at the Conference Grounds. 

Here's how I know. In the midst of a burning building and a collapsing building, this is going on too:

Breathtaking beauty. Summer or winter, I'm in awe of the setting of this story. In the midst of chaos, God is still showing his beauty in awe-inspiring ways. Despite this tragic chapter, I love being part of this beautiful story. And if this is the inciting incident, the story only gets better from here. This is the time where we get to see God at his best work. Knowing that if even if I was there right now, there is nothing I could do to fix things only reminds me that this truly is God's work. This is His camp. His story. How blessed we are to be a part of it!

"All of my life, in every season
You are still God, I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
And I will sing praise
I will sing praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and he is here."
- Desert Song

"Then I said to them, 'You see the bad situation we are in, that Jerusalem is desolate and its gates burned by fire. Come, let us rebuild the wall of Jerusalem so that we will no longer be a reproach.' I told them how the hand of my God had been favorable to me and also about the king's words which he had spoken to me. Then they said, 'Let us arise and build.' So they put their hands to the good work."
-Nehemiah 2:17-18

Why I'm typing by candlelight.

So our 30 Days to 30 Hours kicked off today. If you’re not familiar with 30x30, it is essentially a prep tool for the 30 Hour Famine, an event where our youth group (along with thousands of other youth groups in the country) will spend a weekend fasting to raise money awareness for World Vision, an organization that helps end the cycle of poverty by providing food, education, medicine, and small business start-ups in developing countries. Leading up to our fast, each day we will be giving up a different item to raise our personal awareness of what others deal with on an everyday basis.

So now I am at approximately hour 23.5 of day 1, and the task? Fast from electricity. No biggie, right? I’m a camper. I’m own a flashlight and a headlamp and a couple candles. And of course I get to cheat while I’m at work. The first 10 hours were GREAT. Ok...I was sound asleep. But when that alarm clock went off (battery powered) my brain was wired to send my body straight to the Keurig. Shoot. Ok, instant hot chocolate in the microwave? Still electric. Hmm...boil water on the stove, then make hot chocolate. Dang, that’s electric too! What if I built a fire outside quick and warmed my water on that? True pioneer woman status. Ok, who am I kidding. That’s ridiculous. Starbucks it is. (I’m real impoverished, right?)

Thankful for my large windows and abundant Florida sunshine, I made it though my morning routine without needing to turn on any lights...winning! No shower meant no need to blow dry or straighten either. This isn’t half bad, and I’m ready in five minutes! 

Let’s be real. The day didn’t really get much most difficult from there. It was dark when I got home so I spend the evening by the campfire and when it was time to go inside, lit some candles. I really didn’t have to sacrifice much today. But what is so awesome is that God still had some teachable moments in there.

1. The things I NEED really aren’t NECESSITIES. The instant morning coffee, the straight hair, the obsessive desire for background music...I don’t need it! The 25% of the world without electricity doesn’t even know such luxuries exist. Yet I take all these things for granted. Each and every day I take for granted the ability to sleep with a fan on, make food hot in thirty seconds, or see the stairs I’m walking up. It’s the little things.
2. Going without leaves room for creativity. WOW. This one is HUGE! Normal evening routine? Locked inside my room, tv, Pinterest, puzzle, Facebook, link Facebook led me to, Netflix, laundry, more Facebook, and about 17,000 more links Facebook led me to. No reading. No writing. Nothing outdoors (which is most ridiculous of all, because I LOVE being outside and THIS WEATHER IS AMAZING!!!). But tonight? Instead of iTunes radio, I played the piano. Instead of Gossip Girl, I enjoyed the simplicity of reading a book fireside. Instead of Facebook chat, I invited some friends over and relished in conversations of futures to come and memories shared. It felt peaceful, unrushed...simple.

I want more of that in my life - the creativity, the simplicity, the awareness of luxury in what I take for granted. Life problems are mended and my soul is still when I stare at the flames of a fire. I have room to breathe when I sit in my candle-lit quiet bedroom. The stars outside shine brighter than the computer screen that always seems to be in front of me.

So with that being said...for the last 12 minutes of my day...it’s time for the computer going away. Also I only have 8% battery and certainly can’t charge it till the clock strikes 12! I want to relish in this still night. I’m thankful for this day. The quiet, the change from the norm...it’s cool how God gets us thinking. Poverty is inconvenient. I’ll gladly accept the inconvenience just for a taste. I’m excited for the next 29 days! Who’s with me?!

P.S. Tomorrow night, we sleep on the floor. Get excited!!